I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
