so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
