Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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