i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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