I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
