I'm so fucking centered right now
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
