This is not my ceiling
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
