I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so let's talk penis.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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