i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Pants are for mortals
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
