weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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