smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
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she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
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I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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