I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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