Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It all started with a game of naked twister.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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