I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
