In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
