I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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