Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize