I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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