he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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