if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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