I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
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Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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