Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
