I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
