you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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