Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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