I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I am naked and annoyed.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
