I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
