in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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