can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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