Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
