He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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