i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
