i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
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If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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