you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
