I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
