i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
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Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
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She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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