My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
