you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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