Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
