i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
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Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
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The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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