I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
