The maid of honor just puked.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
