So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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