I got chris browned last night
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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