I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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