What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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