HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
