Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
