HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
splinters make it hard to masturbate
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
