I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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