turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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