So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
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The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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