I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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