She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
