I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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