You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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