It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
