he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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