It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
