I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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