Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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