it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
