You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
