I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
