I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize