dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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