Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
