I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
