I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
