I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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